Translation Practising (7 người xem)

[hoangaccounting]

Dear all!
Please help me translate the text into English: "Theo lịch cũ tàu Tropical pegasus sẽ cập từ ngày 10 đến ngày 12 tháng 01 lúc đó cầu cảng không bị kẹt. Nhưng theo lịch mới tàu sẽ cập vào sáng ngày 14 tôi e rằng rất khó khăn trong việc bố trí cầu cảng. Nếu được thì ông có thể cho tàu cập lùi lại khoảng 2 đến 3 ngày"
How stable has not?
"As the last schedule, Tropical pegasus arrival is on 10~12 Jan, the port will be available.
For new schedule, Tropical pegasus arrival is in early morning of 14, Jan. I'm afraid of dificulty with the berth arrangement.
If possible, plz move the Tropical pegasus arrival 2~3 days later."
Thanks all.

 

[ngocmaipretty]

Theo lịch cũ tàu Tropical pegasus sẽ cập từ ngày 10 đến ngày 12 tháng 01 lúc đó cầu cảng không bị kẹt. Nhưng theo lịch mới tàu sẽ cập vào sáng ngày 14 tôi e rằng rất khó khăn trong việc bố trí cầu cảng. Nếu được thì ông có thể cho tàu cập lùi lại khoảng 2 đến 3 ngày

As the last schedule, The Tropical pegasus would arrive on 10~12 Jan, when the port is available.
For new schedule, it would arrive in early morning of 14, Jan. I'm afraid that it will be difficult in berth arrangement.
If possible, please delay the Tropical pegasus arrival 2 or 3 days later.

 

[paulsteigel]

Required content was part of a business correspondence and I found that the first translated version was also okay in term of "Information provision". The later revised version of Ngocmai was also good and helped tighten grammar structure.
Vietnamese version:

"Theo lịch cũ tàu Tropical pegasus sẽ cập từ ngày 10 đến ngày 12 tháng 01 lúc đó cầu cảng không bị kẹt. Nhưng theo lịch mới tàu sẽ cập vào sáng ngày 14 tôi e rằng rất khó khăn trong việc bố trí cầu cảng. Nếu được thì ông có thể cho tàu cập lùi lại khoảng 2 đến 3 ngày"

Original translated version:

"As the last schedule, Tropical pegasus arrival is on 10~12 Jan, the port will be available.
For new schedule, Tropical pegasus arrival is in early morning of 14, Jan. I'm afraid of dificulty with the berth arrangement.
If possible, plz move the Tropical pegasus arrival 2~3 days later."

Ngocmai's version

As the last schedule, The Tropical pegasus would arrive on 10~12 Jan, when the port is available.
For new schedule, it would arrive in early morning of 14, Jan. I'm afraid that it will be difficult in berth arrangement.
If possible, please delay the Tropical pegasus arrival 2 or 3 days later.

Please let me contribute a little bit more on this.

Following/According to the last schedule, the Tropical pegasus should arrive on 10~12 Jan when the port is/ as the port would be available.
However, due to the new schedule, her arrival will be in the early morning of 14, Jan that I'm afraid berth arrangement should be very difficult.
Therefore, if possible, please delay the Tropical pegasus arrival in 2 to 3 days later with thanks.

Hopefully, my poor comments would be of helps.

 

[Hoàng Trọng Nghĩa]

I think, all the ways that you write are all good, however, with comercial letters, you should write as short as possible, but polite and comments enough, no need fussy.

 

[ngocmaipretty]

Dear Paulsteigel,

May I ask you some questions and suggest something?

Your translation is:

.... the Tropical pegasus should arrive on 10~12 Jan when the port is/ as the port would be available.
However, due to the new schedule, her arrival will be in the early morning of 14, Jan that I'm afraid berth arrangement should be very difficult.
Therefore, if possible, please delay the Tropical pegasus arrival in 2 to 3 days later with thanks.

a. Why do you use "should" 2 times? As I know, "should" is used only for giving advices. "The ship should arrive" and "arrangement should be difficult" sounded very, very strange.

b. the port is available on 10~12 Jan is the fact and we do not need to use "would be", we can use "is available" or "will be available" instead.
For the same reason, we should affirm that it will be difficult to arrange berth on Jan 14th, "should be difficult" is not an affirmation.
This affirmation is a need to ask the partner to delay its ship's arrival.

 

[paulsteigel]

Dear Ngoc Mai,
Thank you very much for your questions. As I have already mentioned, discussing about this would always be helpful. No doubt, we are on the right track now...

Regarding your suggestions, I would like to response as following:

a. Why do you use "should" 2 times? As I know, "should" is used only for giving advices. "The ship should arrive" and "arrangement should be difficult" sounded very, very strange.

You are right, it was strange but the use of should was to mean the schedule should never be happened that why the later clause of would was used. Of course, in terms of wording, double use of a word in one para. may not be that good and we should try avoiding it. But there was implication.

b. the port is available on 10~12 Jan is the fact and we do not need to use "would be", we can use "is available" or "will be available" instead.
For the same reason, we should affirm that it will be difficult to arrange berth on Jan 14th, "should be difficult" is not an affirmation.
This affirmation is a need to ask the partner to delay its ship's arrival.

Similar to the previous replying, there were also implications.
"Due to schedule's change, if there will be no problem, the ship will absolutely arrive in the port while berth's availability is not confirmed; In business correspondent language, as we are asking for favor, our proposal should be formal and informative enough so that acceptance will likely be reached."
So far, my previous post was just a type of rephrasing to enrich our playgound with different flavour and "style" ans Shuri has quoted some time ago.
I hope this is sufficient and understandable.
Thank you very much for your attention, I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours very faithfully,



Paulsteigel

[[Sorry! Just try to make this post as a letter...]]

 

[ptm0412]

Dear Mr. Paulsteigel,
I have an opinion if you do not mind to read:
You wrote:

As this is a playground for us who are expecting to have our English improved, trying to be more buying in should always be of our intention!

Your sentense is such a complex one, and it is a little difficult for English newly learner to understand. GPE is a best environtment for "Exceler", and members who want to practice English are very rare, it is the fact. Those members who ask for help in translating in this topic, or who post there translation as their exercises here, they would find it is difficult to read that scholarly structure of sentenses.

This topic is, as you say, a playground for everyone to practice their skills. I think it would be better if we use more simple sentenses, more simple words, for common persons.

As an example, in order to perform your idea above, i would write like this instead:

Because this is a playground for us to improve our English, we should try listening to anybody who gives us any advice or opinion.

Anyway, thanks for joining this topic, for joining this English box, and the most, thanks for listening to my cheettit opinion.

Regards,

Thanh-My Pham

 

[Hoàng Trọng Nghĩa]

Sorry Mr.PTM, but I don't know "my cheettit" that you wrote at the end. What does it mean, sir?

 

[paulsteigel]

Dear Mr. Ptm0412,
Thank you very much for your comments. I have reviewed all my previous posts and found out a lot of mistakes. For all these, please be sorry.
Thoughtfully, my previous responses with so much complexities (Phức tạp) were not suitable. There were excessive usages of complicated sentence structure.
Again, please be sorry for all this.
Thank you again, Mr. Ptm0412 for your valuable advises.
Yours very faithfully,



Paulsteigel.

P/S to Minhthien, Cheettit should really mean "Dummy" and so far as I understood, this is so far - a modest way of saying about himself. Sorry Ptm for my poor explanation.

 

[ptm0412]

Hi Minhthien,
"Cheettit" is used as an adjective for the noun "opinion". The meaning of it can be seen here.

 

[ptm0412]

Dear Mr. Paulsteigen,

Thanks for your early reply. Anyone could make mistakes, not excuded you or I. I myself have a lot of typing errors and my vocabulary is so poor.

I think this is the place where we would help each other to correct all those mistakes. (Ms NgocMai did it so well, she offten correct my fault!)

By the way, we do have a topic of writing practising. If you have time, would you do me a favour:

Though I encourage writing in simple sentenses, but we must learn how to analyze complex sentenses to understand it exactly, and after that, how to make them.

In your sentense like this, there are some structures:

As this is a playground for us who are expecting to have our English improved, trying to be more buying in should always be of our intention!

- To have something + PP/ Adj
- Trying to be more + Adj = noun phrase
- sth + to be of + noun

Then, if you write a complex sentense, would you please explain the structures used in it? (In the topic I have considered above.)

It is a chance for us to learn more!

Thanks and best regards,

Ptm0412

 

[Hoàng Trọng Nghĩa]

Hi Minhthien,
"Cheettit" is used as an adjective for the noun "opinion". The meaning of it can be seen here.

Khakhakha, The Cheettit Old Man, that you usually use when you call yourself. That's so funny.

 

[Hoàng Trọng Nghĩa]

"Leg Catching"

Dear Mr. Paulsteigen,

Thanks for your early reply. Anyone could make mistakes, not excuded you or I. ....
Ptm0412

I think "you or me".

(Don't be angry, just joking)

 

[hoangaccounting]

Các bác coi hộ giúp em dịch như thế này đã ổn chưa. Hic bập bẹ quá. Cảm ơn cả nhà nhiềul!
CHÚ Ý – NOTICE (WARNING)
- Không được hút thuốc lá trên tàu, trong hầm tàu.
No smoking on board and in hold.
- Không được mang tạp chất lên trên tàu (chai, lọ, thuốc lá, hộp quẹt, …).
Don’t take impurities brought on board (bottle, vase, tobacco-box, matchbox, …)
- Mang đồ bảo hộ lao động khi làm việc, tuyệt đối không được đi dép.
Carry labour safety in working, absolute may not to bring sandal.
- Nhân viên lái cẩu không được mang bất cứ vật gì lên buồng lái.
Crane’s driver not bring anything to the machine room.
- Cẩn thận khi sử dụng điện thoại di động, tránh đánh rơi lẫn vào dăm gỗ.
Note to use of cell phone and the avoidance of falling into woodchips.

 

[tramykt86nt]

Dear hoangaccounting

According to me :
- Không được hút thuốc lá trên tàu, trong hầm tàu.
No smoking on board and in hold.
- Không được mang tạp chất lên trên tàu (chai, lọ, thuốc lá, hộp quẹt, …).
Don’t take impurities brought on board (bottle, vase, tobacco-box, matchbox, …) -> Don't take impurities on board (bottle, vase, tobacco-box, matchbox,...)
- Mang đồ bảo hộ lao động khi làm việc, tuyệt đối không được đi dép.
Carry labour safety in working, absolute may not to bring sandal. -> Put on labor safety tool in working, sandal was forbidden here.
- Nhân viên lái cẩu không được mang bất cứ vật gì lên buồng lái.
Crane’s driver not bring anything to the machine room. -> Crane driver isn't allowed to take anything into cabin.
- Cẩn thận khi sử dụng điện thoại di động, tránh đánh rơi lẫn vào dăm gỗ.
Note to use of cell phone and the avoidance of falling into woodchips. -> Be careful with using cellphone, avoid to drop it in woodchips.

 

[Hoàng Trọng Nghĩa]

Dear hoangaccounting

According to me :
- Không được hút thuốc lá trên tàu, trong hầm tàu.
No smoking on board and in hold.
- Không được mang tạp chất lên trên tàu (chai, lọ, thuốc lá, hộp quẹt, …).
Don’t take impurities brought on board (bottle, vase, tobacco-box, matchbox, …) -> Don't take impurities on board (bottle, vase, tobacco-box, matchbox,...)
- Mang đồ bảo hộ lao động khi làm việc, tuyệt đối không được đi dép.
Carry labour safety in working, absolute may not to bring sandal. -> Put on labor safety tool in working, sandal was forbidden here.
- Nhân viên lái cẩu không được mang bất cứ vật gì lên buồng lái.
Crane’s driver not bring anything to the machine room. -> Crane driver isn't allowed to take anything into cabin.
- Cẩn thận khi sử dụng điện thoại di động, tránh đánh rơi lẫn vào dăm gỗ.
Note to use of cell phone and the avoidance of falling into woodchips. -> Be careful with using cellphone, avoid to drop it in woodchips.

Góp ý tí:
- Dép ta không nên dùng sandal was forbidden here (sandal: dép có quai hậu) mà nên dùng slippers strictly prohibited

- labor safety tool ta có nên thay từ này thành uniforms hoặc workwear có được không?

- Crane Driver mình nên thay bằng Crane Operator/ Controller, vì trên tàu không có quan niệm driver (chẳng lẽ tài xế trên tàu? Vì cần cẩu này nằm trên tàu).

 

[Hoàng Trọng Nghĩa]

À, có thể thay cụm từ: ... "in working" trong câu "Carry labour safety in working, absolute may not to bring sandal" thành "on duty" có được không nhỉ?

=> Wear uniforms on duty, slippers strictly prohibited

 

[paulsteigel]

Some comments:

1. Không được hút thuốc lá trên tàu, trong hầm tàu.
No smoking on board and in hold - OK
Smoking on board or in hold is prohibited – Rephrased

2. Không được mang tạp chất lên trên tàu (chai, lọ, thuốc lá, hộp quẹt, …).
I think there are problems with Vietnamese in this sentence – Tạp chất-foreign matter in Vietnamese would mean materials in general that may harm state of purity of something else. For example
I would feel Vật lạ would be better. This statement would be rephrased like this:
Không được mang vật lạ hoặc vật dụng dễ gây cháy lên tàu (chai, lọ, thuốc lá, hộp quẹt, …).
Unfamiliar/exotic objects or inflamable materials are not allowed bringing on board
(Why unfamiliar/exotic objects? Anything that is allowed to bring on board must be checked)

"Don’t take impurities brought on board (bottle, vase, tobacco-box, matchbox, …) -> Don't take impurities on board (bottle, vase, tobacco-box, matchbox,...)"
Original use of verb may not reflect a strong statement to not allowing people from doing something.

3. Mang đồ bảo hộ lao động khi làm việc, tuyệt đối không được đi dép.
Carry labour safety in working, absolute may not to bring sandal.
Put on labor safety tool in working, sandal was forbidden here. – Not OK – labor safety is a bit word by word translation. Tools are used to mention instruments to be used at works.
Wear protective clothes at work, use of conventional sandal is prohibited - Rephrased
Conventional sandal = dép thông thường. Mục tiêu của lệnh cấm này là không được đi dép, tất cả các loại mà phải đi giày bảo hộ hoặc cái gì đó chắc chắn hơn dép. - Mình xin phép giả định thế

4. Nhân viên lái cẩu không được mang bất cứ vật gì lên buồng lái.
Crane’s driver not bring anything to the machine room.
Crane driver isn't allowed to take anything into cabin. - OK
Crane operator is not allowed to bring anything/things into cabin - Rephrased

5. Cẩn thận khi sử dụng điện thoại di động, tránh đánh rơi lẫn vào dăm gỗ.
Note to use of cell phone and the avoidance of falling into woodchips.
Be careful with using cellphone, avoid to drop it in woodchips. OK
Use cellphone with care, avoid dropping it into wood chips - Rephrased

'---------------------------------------------------------------
In restricting or forbiding people from doing something, it is strongly recommended to use gerund (Verb+Ing) and Verb alone. Using "Don't do something" is not quite strong. It would mean something like: Đừng làm gì đó.

 

[Hoàng Trọng Nghĩa]

I think, the internal regulations should be concise easy to understand.

So, with "Wear protective cloth at work, use of conventional sandal is prohibited"

should be used: Wear uniforms/ workwear on duty, slippers strictly prohibited


But I think "Must wear workwear on duty" is enough, because WORKWEAR included helmet, clothes, shoes, tool... (?)


If you want to use "SANDAL", pls use "SANDALS" (maybe the workers can deliberately contradicts you: "we wear 2 not 1"). But I think, DÉP is not SANDAL.

-------------------------

I want to learn more and more from all of you.

 

[ptm0412]

In writing regulations, we should use structures not only clear but also strong. These samples below would strengthen the prohibition and the compulsion:

- Do not smoking on board and in hold.
- Bringing exotic objects onboard is forbidden
- Wearing safety suit is compulsion, wearing slippers is strictly prohibited
- Crane operator is not allowed to bring anything into cabin
- Using cellphone with care, avoid dropping it onto/ into wood chips

Note:

1. Vocabulary:

- Hộp quẹt = lighter or matches (anything can be used to make fire). Cấm match-box, người ta mang diêm que bỏ túi nilông thì sao? Rồi quẹt ga, quẹt xăng, đâu phải match-box?
- Thuốc lá = Tobacco (nói chung). Cấm tobacco box, người ta sẽ mang tobacco bag (thuốc sợi rời và giấy quyến) thì làm sao?
- Dép = sandals hay slippers đều đúng, và phải số nhiều.

2. Grammar:

- avoid doing something
- "may not" không mang nghĩa cấm mà chỉ mang nghĩa khuyến cáo