Funny stories.

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Pansy_flower

...nợ người, nợ đời...
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3/6/06
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...thiết kế máy bay cho VOI tự lái...^.^
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)


Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... Just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find

this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
 
Thanks a lot! It's very funny
 
How to install LOVE ?​

Customer Service Rep: Can you install LOVE?

Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?

Customer Service Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.Is it okay to install while they are running?

Customer Service Rep:
What programs are running ma'am?

Customer:
Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

Customer Service Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer:
I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Customer Service Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

Customer Service Rep:
Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer:
Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

Customer Service Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?

Customer Service Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS". What does that mean?

Customer Service Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before It can "LOVE"others.

Customer: So what should I do?

Customer Service Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

Customer Service Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

Customer Service Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

Customer Service Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go...

Customer: Yes?

Customer Service Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer:
I will. Thank you for your help.

 
Congratulations!
Head of Business College : "In teaching shorthand and typewriting, we are strong for accuracy"

Inquirer : "How are you on speed ?"

Head of Business College :
"Well, of last year's class, six married their employers within six months."


_____

Why Do You Go On The Balcony ?​

Wife : "Why do you go on the balcony when I sing ? Don't you like to hear me ?"

Husband : "It isn't that. I want the neighbors to see that I'm not beating my wife."

____

To Be Drunk Is A Disgrace

On a pleasant Sunday afternoon an old German and his youngest son were seated in the village inn. The father had partaken liberally of the beer, and was warning his son against the evils of intemperance.

"Never drink too much, my son. A gentleman stops when he has enough. To be drink is a disgrace."

"Yes, Father, but how can I tell when I have enough or I am drunk ?"

The old man pointed with his finger.

"Do you see those two men sitting in the corner. If you should see four men there, you would know that you were drunk."

The boy looked long and earnestly. After a time, in puzzled tones, he said :

"Yes, Father, but - but - there is only one man in that corner."
 
[FONT=.VnTime]A survey was conducted by UN a month back, which asked a question [/FONT]
[FONT=.VnTime] [/FONT]
[FONT=.VnTime]"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world? Answer from different nationals . [/FONT]
[FONT=.VnTime] [/FONT]
[FONT=.VnTime]In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant .[/FONT]
[FONT=.VnTime]In Eastern Europe they didn't know what 'honest' meant .[/FONT]
[FONT=.VnTime]In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.[/FONT]
[FONT=.VnTime]In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant. [/FONT]
[FONT=.VnTime]In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.[/FONT]
[FONT=.VnTime]In Western Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.[/FONT]
[FONT=.VnTime]In USA they didn't know what 'rest of the world' meant.[/FONT]
[FONT=.VnTime] [/FONT]
[FONT=.VnTime]The survey was a complete failure.[/FONT]
 
~Kids are Smart~

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Why are you late Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School ahead. Go slow."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Greg, how would you spell "crocodile?"
GREG: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER: No Greg, that's incorrect.
GREG: Maybe it's incorrect, but you asked me how "I" spelled it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Ryan, what is the chemical formula for water?
RYAN: H I J K L M N O
TEACHER: Ryan, what are you talking about?
RYAN: Well, yesterday you said it was H to O.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Hunter, name one important thing that we have today that we didn't Have 10 years ago.
HUNTER: Me !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Adam, why do you always get so dirty?
ADAM: Well, I guess it's because I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Beth, give me a sentence starting with "I".
BETH: I is...........
TEACHER: No Beth.. ...Always say "I am".....not "I is".
BETH: All right........." I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now Alex, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
ALEX: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Now, Macy, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
MACY: No Mam, I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Daniel, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's composition. Did you copy off of him?
DANIEL: No teacher, it's the same dog.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Parker, what do you call a person who keeps on talking to people who are No longer interested?
PARKER: A Teacher
 
Reason why never visit a 5 * Hotel


Question : " What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

Answer: "
tea please "

Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"

Answer : "Ceylon tea "

Question : "How would you like it ? Black or white ?"


Answer: "white"

Question: "
Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ? "

Answer: "With milk "


Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"


Answer: "With cow milk please.


Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"


Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "


Question: "
Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey? "

Answer: "With sugar"


Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"


Answer: "Cane sugar "


Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"


Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."


Question: "
Mineral water or still water ? "

Answer: "Mineral water"


Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"


Answer: "
I'll rather die of thirst
 
Lần chỉnh sửa cuối:
Sharpen your skills !

Once upon a time a very strong woodcutter asked for a job in a timber merchant, and he got it. His salary was really good and so were the working conditions. For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his best.

His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was suppose to fell the trees.

The first day, the woodcutter brought 15 trees.

"Congratulations," the boss said. "Carry on with your work!".

Highly motivated by the words of his boss, the woodcutter tried harder the next day, but he could only bring 10 trees.

The third day he tried even harder, but he was only able to bring 7 trees.

Day after day he was bringing less and less trees.

"I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought.

He went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going on.

"When was the last time you sharpened your axe?" the boss asked.

"Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I have been very busy trying to cut trees..."

_______________

Most of us NEVER update our skills. We think that whatever we have learned is very much enough. But good is not good when better is expected.

Sharpening our skills from time to time is the key to success.
 
Lần chỉnh sửa cuối:
Eve and adam

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a 'man,' Lord?" "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly aroused, but since you've being complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your... ah, physical needs. He'll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advise to think properly." "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?" "Yeah, well.... you can have him on one condition." "What's that, Lord?" "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first...So, just remember... it's our secret... Woman-to-woman!"
 
Funny Stories

The secret of the success - Bí mật của sự thành công

"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter asked a bank president.
"Two words"

"And, Sir,what are they?"
"Right decisions."

"And how do you make right decisions?"
"One word."

"And,sir, What is that?"
"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Wrong decisions"

Tạm dịch:

"Thưa ông. Đâu là bí mật thành công của ông?", một phóng viên hỏi vị chủ tịch ngân hàng.
Hai từ.

"Thưa ông, hai từ đó là gì?"
Quyết định đúng.

"Vậy làm thế nào để có thể đưa ra quyết định đúng?"
Một từ.

"Đó là gì ạ?"
Kinh nghiệm.

"Ngài có được kinh nghiệm bằng cách nào?"
Hai từ.

"Đó là?"
Quyết định sai.


(St)
 
Lần chỉnh sửa cuối:
Kiểm tra tiếng Anh - An English test

Chuyện thật như đùa trong giờ học tiếng Anh...

Cô giáo: Các em hãy viết câu hỏi về thời gian từ nhà đến trường ra vở, sau đó đọc to lên cho cả lớp cùng nghe.

Long: How long does it take from home to school?

Thủy(ngồi cạnh Long): How thuy does it take from home to school?

Tuấn (ngồi sau lưng Thủy): How tuan does it take from home to school?

Mai (cùng bàn với Tuấn): How mai does it take from home to school?

(St)
 
Because of absence - Vì vắng mặt

Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Junior: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.



Mẹ : “Tại sao con lại bị điểm thấp như vậy trong bài kiểm tra đó hả?”
Con trai: “Bởi vì vắng mặt "
Mẹ : " Con muốn nói rằng đã vắng mặt vào ngày có bài kiểm tra đó à ? "
Con trai : " Không, đứa vắng mặt là đứa ngồi cạnh con cơ. "
 
Elevator - Thang máy

A village boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again.

The boy asked his father, “ What is this father?”

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded :

“Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching wide- eyed, an old lady, limping slightly, and with a cane, slowly walks up to the moving walls, and presses a button. The walls opened, and the lady walks between them, into a small room. The walls closed. The boy and his father watched as small circles of lights with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up, in reverse direction now. The walls opened up again, and walls opened up again, and a beautiful young blonde steeped out… The father said to his son :

“Go get your mother!!!”



Hai bố con từ quê ra tới thăm một khu phố buôn bán. Dường như tất cả những gì họ trông thấy đều khiến họ thích thú ngạc nhiên, đặc biệt là hai tấm vách sang có thể tách rời nhau rồi lại khép khít như cũ.

“Đó là cái gì đấy hả bố?” Cậu con trai hỏi bố.

Người bố (chưa từng nhìn thấy thang máy bao giờ) trả lời:

“Con trai, bố chưa từng nhìn thấy cái gì như vậy trong đời. Bố không biết nó là cái gì?”

Trong khi cả hai bố con đều đang trợn mắt nhìn, một bà lão run rẩy chống gậy, bước chầm chập tới chỗ hai tấm vách chuyển động và ấn vào một cái nút. Hai tấm vách mở ra, bà lão đi qua hai cánh cửa bước vào một căn phòng nhỏ. Hai tấm vách khép lại. Cậu bé và bố thấy những vòng tròn nhỏ với những con số phía trên tấm vách sáng lên. Họ tiếp tục thấy những vòng tròn giờ lại sáng lên nhưng theo chiều ngược lại. Hai tấm vách mở ra, và một cô gái tóc vàng xinh đẹp bước ra…
Ông bố vội nói với cậu con trai:

“Hãy mang mẹ mày tới đây mau!!!”



(St)
 
God - Chúa trời

Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked,

“Did God made you, Grandpa?”

“Yes, God made me,” the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little girl asked him,

“Did God make me too?”

“Yes, He did,” the older man answered.

For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up.

“You know, Grandpa.” She said, “God’s doing a lot better job lately.”


Ông và cháu gái đang ngồi nói chuyện với nhau thì cô bé hỏi:

“Có phải Chúa trời đã tạo ra ông không hả ông?”

“Ờ, Chúa trời đã tạo ra ông,” người ông trả lời.

Một vài phút sau cô bé hỏi tiếp:

“Chúa trời cũng tạo ra cháu nữa chứ?”

“Ờ, Người đã tạo ra cả cháu nữa,” người ông trả lời.

Sau một vài phút, khi cô bé đã nhìn kỹ ông rồi lại ngắm kỹ mình trong gương, trong khi người ông đang phân vân không biết cô bé đang nghĩ gì trong đầu. Cuối cùng cô bé mới chịu nói:

“Ông biết không, càng về sau Chúa trời càng làm việc tốt hơn.”


(St)
 
If this year no bonus, ......??

IF YOUR BOSS COMES AND TELL YOU THIS YEAR NO BONUS, NO INCREMENT, LEAVE CUT, PAY CUT ?

WHAT SHALL YOU DO ??


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(to be continued...)
 
If this year no bonus, ......??

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(to be continued...)
 
If this year no bonus, ......??

AND IF STILL NOTHING HAPPENS WHAT TO DO ?


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The end.
 
Xin lỗi tất cả mọi người. bmcn2 hỏng thấy nút chăng tạo box hoặc gửi đề tài mới nên post bừa bài vào đây. Xin vui lòng chuyển nó đến đúng vị trí. Và nếu có thể, xin vui lòng dịch bài này sang tiếng Việt luôn. Chân thành cảm ơn diễn đàn
The Strangest Secret
Some years ago, the late Nobel prize-winning Dr. Albert Schweitzer was asked by a reporter, "Doctor, what's wrong with men today?" The great doctor was silent a moment, and then he said, "Men simply don't think!"

It's about this that I want to talk with you. We live today in a golden age. This is an era that humanity has looked forward to, dreamed of, and worked toward for thousands of years. We live in the richest era that ever existed on the face of the earth ... a land of abundant opportunity for everyone.

However, if you take 100 individuals who start even at the age of 25, do you have any idea what will happen to those men and women by the time they're 65? These 100 people believe they're going to be successful. They are eager toward life, there is a certain sparkle in their eye, an erectness to their carriage, and life seems like a pretty interesting adventure to them.

But by the time they're 65, only one will be rich, four will be financially independent, five will still be working, and 54 will be broke — depending on others for life's necessities.

Only five out of 100 make the grade! Why do so many fail? What has happened to the sparkle that was there when they were 25? What has become of the dreams, the hopes, the plans ... and why is there such a large disparity between what these people intended to do and what they actually accomplished?

THE DEFINITION OF SUCCESS
First, we have to define success and here is the best definition I've ever been able to find: "Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal."

A success is the school teacher who is teaching because that's what he or she wants to do. A success is the entrepreneur who start his own company because that was his dream — that's what he wanted to do. A success is the salesperson who wants to become the best salesperson in his or her company and sets forth on the pursuit of that goal.

A success is anyone who is realizing a worthy predetermined ideal, because that's what he or she decided to do ... deliberately. But only one out of 20 does that! The rest are "failures."

Rollo May, the distinguished psychiatrist, wrote a wonderful book called Man's Search for Himself, and in this book he says: "The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice ... it is conformity." And there you have the reason for so many failures. Conformity — people acting like everyone else, without knowing why or where they are going.

We learn to read by the time we're seven. We learn to make a living by the time we're 30. Often by that time we're not only making a living, we're supporting a family. And yet by the time we're 65, we haven't learned how to become financially independent in the richest land that has ever been known. Why? We conform! Most of us are acting like the wrong percentage group — the 95 who don't succeed.

GOALS
Have you ever wondered why so many people work so hard and honestly without ever achieving anything in particular, and why others don't seem to work hard, yet seem to get everything? They seem to have the "magic touch." You've heard people say, "Everything he touches turns to gold." Have you ever noticed that a person who becomes successful tends to continue to become more successful? And, on the other hand, have you noticed how someone who's a failure tends to continue to fail?

The difference is goals. People with goals succeed because they know where they're going. It's that simple. Failures, on the other hand, believe that their lives are shaped by circumstances ... by things that happen to them ... by exterior forces.

Think of a ship with the complete voyage mapped out and planned. The captain and crew know exactly where the ship is going and how long it will take — it has a definite goal. And 9,999 times out of 10,000, it will get there.

Now let's take another ship — just like the first — only let's not put a crew on it, or a captain at the helm. Let's give it no aiming point, no goal, and no destination. We just start the engines and let it go. I think you'll agree that if it gets out of the harbor at all, it will either sink or wind up on some deserted beach — a derelict. It can't go anyplace because it has no destination and no guidance.

It's the same with a human being. However, the human race is fixed, not to prevent the strong from winning, but to prevent the weak from losing. Society today can be likened to a convoy in time of war. The entire society is slowed down to protect its weakest link, just as the naval convoy has to go at the speed that will permit its slowest vessel to remain in formation.

That's why it's so easy to make a living today. It takes no particular brains or talent to make a living and support a family today. We have a plateau of so-called "security." So, to succeed, all we must do is decide how high above this plateau we want to aim.

Throughout history, the great wise men and teachers, philosophers, and prophets have disagreed with one another on many different things. It is only on this one point that they are in complete and unanimous agreement — the key to success and the key to failure is this:

WE BECOME WHATWE THINK ABOUT
This is The Strangest Secret! Now, why do I say it's strange, and why do I call it a secret? Actually, it isn't a secret at all. It was first promulgated by some of the earliest wise men, and it appears again and again throughout the Bible. But very few people have learned it or understand it. That's why it's strange, and why for some equally strange reason it virtually remains a secret.

Marcus Aurelius, the great Roman Emperor, said: "A man's life is what his thoughts make of it."
Disraeli said this: "Everything comes if a man will only wait ... a human being with a settled purpose must accomplish it, and nothing can resist a will that will stake even existence for its fulfillment."

William James said: "We need only in cold blood act as if the thing in question were real, and it will become infallibly real by growing into such a connection with our life that it will become real. It will become so knit with habit and emotion that our interests in it will be those which characterize belief." He continues, " ... only you must, then, really wish these things, and wish them exclusively, and not wish at the same time a hundred other incompatible things just as strongly."

My old friend Dr. Norman Vincent Peale put it this way: "If you think in negative terms, you will get negative results. If you think in positive terms, you will achieve positive results." George Bernard Shaw said: "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."

Well, it's pretty apparent, isn't it? We become what we think about. A person who is thinking about a concrete and worthwhile goal is going to reach it, because that's what he's thinking about. Conversely, the person who has no goal, who doesn't know where he's going, and whose thoughts must therefore be thoughts of confusion, anxiety, fear, and worry will thereby create a life of frustration, fear, anxiety and worry. And if he thinks about nothing ... he becomes nothing.

AS YE SOW — SO SHALLYE REAP
The human mind is much like a farmer's land. The land gives the farmer a choice. He may plant in that land whatever he chooses. The land doesn't care what is planted. It's up to the farmer to make the decision. The mind, like the land, will return what you plant, but it doesn't care what you plant. If the farmer plants too seeds — one a seed of corn, the other nightshade, a deadly poison, waters and takes care of the land, what will happen?

Remember, the land doesn't care. It will return poison in just as wonderful abundance as it will corn. So up come the two plants — one corn, one poison as it's written in the Bible, "As ye sow, so shall ye reap."

The human mind is far more fertile, far more incredible and mysterious than the land, but it works the same way. It doesn't care what we plant ... success ... or failure. A concrete, worthwhile goal ... or confusion, misunderstanding, fear, anxiety, and so on. But what we plant it must return to us.

The problem is that our mind comes as standard equipment at birth. It's free. And things that are given to us for nothing, we place little value on. Things that we pay money for, we value.

The paradox is that exactly the reverse is true. Everything that's really worthwhile in life came to us free — our minds, our souls, our bodies, our hopes, our dreams, our ambitions, our intelligence, our love of family and children and friends and country. All these priceless possessions are free.

But the things that cost us money are actually very cheap and can be replaced at any time. A good man can be completely wiped out and make another fortune. He can do that several times. Even if our home burns down, we can rebuild it. But the things we got for nothing, we can never replace.

Our mind can do any kind of job we assign to it, but generally speaking, we use it for little jobs instead of big ones. So decide now. What is it you want? Plant your goal in your mind. It's the most important decision you'll ever make in your entire life.

Do you want to excel at your particular job? Do you want to go places in your company ... in your community? Do you want to get rich? All you have got to do is plant that seed in your mind, care for it, work steadily toward your goal, and it will become a reality.

It not only will, there's no way that it cannot. You see, that's a law — like the laws of Sir Isaac Newton, the laws of gravity. If you get on top of a building and jump off, you'll always go down — you'll never go up.

And it's the same with all the other laws of nature. They always work. They're inflexible. Think about your goal in a relaxed, positive way. Picture yourself in your mind's eye as having already achieved this goal. See yourself doing the things you will be doing when you have reached your goal.

Every one of us is the sum total of our own thoughts. We are where we are because that's exactly where we really want or feel we deserve to be — whether we'll admit that or not. Each of us must live off the fruit of our thoughts in the future, because what you think today and tomorrow — next month and next year — will mold your life and determine your future. You're guided by your mind.

I remember one time I was driving through e a s t e r n Arizona and I saw one of those giant earthmoving machines roaring along the road with what looked like 30 tons of dirt in it — a tremendous, incredible machine — and there was a little man perched way up on top with the wheel in his hands, guiding it. As I drove along I was struck by the similarity of that machine to the human mind. Just suppose you're sitting at the controls of such a vast source of energy. Are you going to sit back and fold your arms and let it run itself into a ditch? Or are you going to keep both hands firmly on the wheel and control and direct this power to a specific, worthwhile purpose? It's up to you. You're in the driver's seat. You see, the very law that gives us success is a doubleedged sword. We must control our thinking. The same rule that can lead people to lives of success, wealth, happiness, and all the things they ever dreamed of — that very same law can lead them into the gutter. It's all in how they use it ... for good or for bad. That is The Strangest Secret!

Do what the experts since the dawn of recorded history have told us to do: pay the price, by becoming the person you want to become. It's not nearly as difficult as living unsuccessfully.

The moment you decide on a goal to work toward, you're immediately a successful person — you are then in that rare group of people who know where they're going. Out of every hundred people, you belong to the top five. Don't concern yourself too much with how you are going to achieve your goal — leave that completely to a power greater than yourself. All you have to do is know where you're going. The answers will come to you of their own accord, and at the right time.

Start today. You have nothing to lose — but you have your whole life to win.
 
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